This post can be found at Motherlode: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/05/01/i-didnt-want-twins/
Filed under parenting
So so true! With twins soon to hit the four year old mark and never having a singleton only to compare I’d say age three is when you’re over the baby hump for sure! Hopefully will mean a lifetime of companionship for phoebe and jasper.
Lauren, I respect your honesty and willingness to share this with the world. I know how much you love those little babies and what a good and responsible Mother you are but you spoke from the heart about how difficult it is.
I think that you should have this published in Parenting Magazines and update with an article at every developmental juncture .
I think you have balanced this post perfectly. Actually, I think there aren’t many who would disagree with your stated negatives. As a mother of two singletons the emotional and physical exhaustion could easily (and frequently DID) put me over the edge. Having that multiplied exponentially is beyond my ability to imagine.
Obviously, the perspective you have sought has arrived, hence your ability to be more balanced in your expression of your experience. Or maybe sufficient time has passed for some of the difficulties to become more remote. Regardless, you must feel some satisfaction that you have finally written this post, though I don’t imagine for a second that this means you are through contemplating the topic.
Lauren – this post is great because I see how you may be getting solace from twin moms who are ahead of you as I, a twin mom, behind you am getting from you. Sharing this helps in so many ways!
I am in the completely exhausted phase of twin life w/ two almost 6 month olds and a demanding toddler who is taking all my time. I, sadly, don’t get to soak up my twin babies (I was actually someone who wanted twins and got them out of luck) because my toddler is going through some major changes/stress. And I’m like your recent “bad mother” post – wishing I could parent the twins like I did my firstborn with so much attention. But I guess that’s motherhood lesson I’m going through now.
ps-I hope you can get paid for this stuff…you deserve to!
i love sharing experiences generally, but with twins it is a must: two babies at one time is such a unique undertaking (to put it mildly) that we need to lean on each other. i have a very good friend who had twins well before me and i have recently apologized to her for saying anything blithely ridiculous about it in the early days ;). until it happens to you, you just don’t know! i am very interested in the idea that you wanted twins and would be thrilled to hear more, if you have the time/inclination, about how the abstract desire relates to the reality so far. you obviously had a sister with twins, so it wasn’t a complete mystery, but there is a lot that is potentially shocking. i couldn’t believe, for example, how awful and debilitating the pregnancy was (despite the fact that mine was totally healthy) and, now, how violent my little toddlers can be with each other (though they love each other madly too and are growing out of hurting each other).
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